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Life's a Bitch... [Sep. 30th, 2005|11:58 am]
Sandra: "When are Women NOT being catty?"
Me: *grin* "When they're being Bitches."
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That'd be My Kinda President [Sep. 28th, 2005|02:22 pm]
[mood |boredbored]
[music |Firefly]

"Also, even though I think George Bush is a shitheel, I’d stop short of saying that he “participated willingly in the deaths” of those affected by hurricane Katrina. Sure, the administration fucked stuff up, but “participated willingly” makes it sound like he rode the floodwaters on a surf board lopping off heads with a samurai sword. I’m not saying he didn’t, I just can’t prove that he did."- Dr. David Thorpe, Somethingawful.com
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RRRRRRIIIIIITTTTAAAA [Sep. 23rd, 2005|06:13 pm]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |rain and wind]

One thing and one thing only to say about this:

It's REALLY hard to look cool playing badminton in a hurricane.
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Update- Hoopla! [Sep. 6th, 2005|01:00 am]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |Avantasia- Reach out for the Light.]

it's been.. by my calculations.. a good 8 months since I last signed on to this thing so here goes... Pretty much everything is the same since the last time I updated.. I generally just use this as a place to rant, rave and generally piss myself off.. so here goes.

In all the Hoopla surrounding the bad star over the central gulf coast, I being the compassionate caring individual I am, throw myself into the task of helping these poor displaced bastards from Nawlins, Mississippi and Alabama and whereever the hell else that storm turned into a fetid lake of death destruction and rampant stupidity.

Yeah, I said it, Rampant stupidity. Just wait, I'll explain meself.

First, however, I'd like it said, that the vast majority of the displaced "Refugees" I've come into contact with, Just from the New Orleans Area ( haven't met any from the other bad star areas) are the most whiny, demanding drama queen assholes I've ever had the pleasure to sneer at. Here, a couple of examples:

1.)Me and a guy at work upon delivering monetary and consumer donations to a local shelter (you might have heard of it, s'called the Astrodome) we were met with "About goddamn time someone gets off their asses and helps us." At first, it sounded like a somewhat garbled thanks for the help, but due to the pea soup thick accent we had to chew through, it took us a minute to realize what an ungrateful cockslave this woman was. (I'm generalizing here.. I'm sure not all people from New Orleans have the worst accents imaginable. But from the examples I'm offering you, they do. Piss off.)

2.)Our Personal Sams Club gets a Generator delivery rate of about 100 a year. 100! Tops! And we generally have about 50 or 60 left over. 2 days after Katrina spent herself over Tennesse, we were inundated with people from New Orleans, buying Generators.In a gesture of... something, our managers told us to eviscerate the price to a measly 15 percent of the MSRP. They sold like Hotcakes, naturally... And we sold our entire stock.. at a net loss I might add, but hey, Sams was caught up in the Help the poor displaced Refugees frenzy. Gas cans, too, took off like an ion engine into some cold rock at the edge of space. Didn't have to cut those prices, fuckers were buying them right and left. ANYWAY! The third day after Katrina, since I worked near the front of the store, it was my duty to inform members that we were completely out of generators and gas cans. Yes, I am aware that the 290 store says we have 3 of them, however, that was as of yesterday evening at 8:30 when the computer last updated. yes, it probably is bullshit. Of Course youc an speak to a manager, right over there if you will. After about the 200th exchange of that nature, I get a couple complaining that "this is such bullshit, you shouldn't be selling generators to people NOT from New Orleans, and you should limit them to 1 to a customer. And an 85 percent discount off cost is not enough, In Fact, you should have donated them all tot he poor people who escaped from New Orleans." Says the man in, what it was assured me, was 1500 buck armani suit, and his remarkably attractive, well kept displaced refugee wife.

3.) Apparently, we are required by law to keep a supply of gas cans on hand for emergencies such as these, explains the man who after driving from his brothers house on Canyon Rose (average net worth of Canyon Rose Residents, 73 million.) And he is going to complain to the mayor of Houston (whoever he is, I don't keep track) who, is a personal friend (of this man from New Orleans.. Which may or may not be true given that the last mayor we had didn't even live in Houston and spent a grand total of 7 cumulative days of his term inside the city) that we are denying his his essential rights as a consumer.... I don't even have anything clever to say about this fucking guy.

We open our city to these people, give them, in most cases free food, free admittance to our parks and recreational areas, take them into our homes, feed, clothe, open schools.. Because, you know.. it's the HUMAN fucking thing to do. And all we expect is a lil bit of civility.....I'm sure I'm generalizing... The entire population of New Orleans and southern louisiana can't be priggish snobs, can they? I mean, I read some of Jay Grant's book, I dig anne Rice (to a certain extent) I've listened to stories about what a great fucking town and what a great fucking bunch of people live in that town..... but shit! "It's about goddamn time someone gets off their asses and helps us?" If not, Fuck New Orleans, Fuck them good and hard!

I haven't heard shit from the other devastated areas, I just hope the places they fled too aren't regretting embracing these buggers into their open, warm, DDD bosoms like many of us are.

What REALLY irks me is.. yeah, I can deal with a bunch of assholes.. I work retail... I like whiny demanding assholes, I can usually foist the most usuless shit off on them. No, what really irks me is, I've been hearing stories over the radio.. One in Particular... A Homeless woman and her three children made their way to the astrodome and asked to be admitted. She was turned away. Why?


The news is saturated with bad star pictures of Lake NEw Orleans, gulf port, mobile and everywhere else. The local government is congratulating itself, and us too, on our generosity and boundless compassion when dealing with the poor, displaced refugees who lost everything they own to the Terror of Katrina....

Excuse my net-ese..


Where are the billions of dollars for the local poor displaced refugees who lost everything to the Terror of Life In general? Is Wal-mart or Exxon or the thousands of other local companies who're helping the poor from ANOTHER city bothering to help our own?

Hell Fuck No!

Not one single organization that I could find that funneled billions into tax shelter charities are bothering to give a cent to the local poor...

Except one... This Bunch

my girlfriend is in the Ladies Auxilliary, Her dad and both Brothers are 4th degree knights. Which mean, they shell out 1k a piece in gaudy tuxeedos, ridiculous chapeu, knitting needle tin sword and cape (which, I found out, goes immediatly to the Red Cross) for the right to call themselves Sir, and to March in the St Patrick's day parade. Oh yeah, and a tithe that goes again, Directly to LOCAL poor charities...

I know what you're saying.." Why Michael! This is a CATHOLIC organization! You've always been staunchly anti-christian! "

Yeah, well... True, i've never been a big fan of the followers of christ. I do, however, believe in what they're trying to do. Being a witch, despite what most witches think, means a life of abject servitude to life in general.. No matter if they're catholic hindu, muslim, satanic, or a carrot worshipping cult from loompa land. (Except other witches... Them motherfuckers can help themselves. )
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HA! [Dec. 17th, 2004|10:22 am]
[mood |boredbored]
[music |Avantasia- Neverland]

I myself have been told this by English Professors, and not more than one publisher:

You know what else doesn't sell? Comedy in fantasy settings. I've been told this by "industry people". This must come as quite a shock to Mr. Pratchett and I'm sure we all wish him well in his new endeavor of not writing over thirty hilarious and widely-loved fantasy novels- yanked from Nuklearpower.com
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Parents Against Indecent Programming. [Dec. 14th, 2004|12:22 pm]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |Yngwie Malmsteen- I am A VIking]

Have you ever noticed what the first letters of thpse wprds spell? Why am I not surprised that this "movement" is, in some part, supported by the Christian Coalition?
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The Law [Dec. 6th, 2004|10:40 am]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |Swans of Avon- When Heaven Falls]

In my particular job, I tend to come in contact with Law Enforcement personnel, what with dealing with large amounts of electronical equipment. Four or Five in particular which make up the In-store security which, we've affectionally dubbed Sooper Troopers, or in a couple of Cases, Ankh-Morpork City Night Watch.

First and foremost, we got the Head of Security, Marshall Robert Rice. Buddy, is perhaps the man who most embodies what people commonly refer to as Texan.. (6 feet, 8 inches, 325 pounds, got a pair of pear handeled Colt 45 Revolvers in tooled leather Holsters and a big ass Texas Flag belt buckle. Brown Gator boots with stars on them.. Just don't ask about the SRC-256 Extendable Truncheon, the pair of Glocks strapped to his leg, the 80,000 Taser or the Bowie knife) However his Majesty as a Texas Law man is somewhat marred by the fact that he is a man of almost Boss Tweed Corruption, with phrases like, "Fuck that, if you weren't here, I'd steal it myself," or "Piss off, I'm on level 20." But that which has him dubbed as practically Sergeant Colon is his tendency to hang about the 50 inch Plasma and LCD Screen TV's when significant sporting events are on. "Shouldn't you be protecting us from the dangerous Criminals?" "I'm guarding the TV's." "Nobody can steal those things." "Exactly, cause I'm guarding them." Which, I can't exactly fault his reasoning there. None of them have ever been stolen while he's been guarding. I mean, other than being about 60 pounds, and bolted to the wall, the bolting supervised by yours truly. (thirteen bolts , drilled through holes in the frame that weren't there before I put those bastards up there.) and all the stock is 15 feet up in the steel.. Buddy likes me, He says I got a Criminal mind which is important for capturing criminals, but I don't have a Criminal Soul, which is important in being one.. Even though I continuously trounce him at Soul Calibre 2. (Can't beat Link Baby!)
It's often Buddy who is responsible for the massive ballet of impatience and hatred called the Evening Drive Home. Where there is a vast Phalanx of red-faced, white-knuckled wheel clutching morons steadfastly going 45, because the white car with the lights up on top is going 45 even though the speed limit is 55 and they're too afraid of passing a cop, because.. seriously, what kind of fucktard will pass a cop? (I do, because I know it's generally Buddy in the car doing 45 and snickering at his rear-view mirror. I've even chatted with him at red-lights, where, when it turns green I roar off the line smacking 55 in about 8 seconds, when everyone else behind buddy will NEVER hit 55! So much fun)
- ummmm shit, more later.
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Like I told Ziv- [Nov. 25th, 2004|08:06 pm]
[mood |somewhat bored]
[music |Olympus Mons- Seven Seas]

There's something almost magical about having a sword strapped to your waist, with fireworks going off all around you, Lightning crashing down a few miles away, with your girlfriend in one hand and a double-headed war axe in the other.
And then there's this:

You are Vlad the Impaler. The man behind the legend
of Dracula. You hanged your victims, stretched
them on the rack, burned them at the stake,
boiled them alive, but mostly impaled them.
Most of your killings were politically targeted
but sometimes you killed just because you were
bored. Your "reign of terror" lasted
from 1456 to 1462. Estimated numbers of victims
vary between 30,000 and more than 100,000.
Evil Evil man. Fie on you!

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

That is all for now.
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In Praise of Drugs [Nov. 20th, 2004|08:33 pm]
1.Camphor: An aromatic crystalline compound, C10H16O, obtained naturally from the wood or leaves of the camphor tree or synthesized and used as an insect repellent, in the manufacture of film, plastics, lacquers, and explosives, and in medicine chiefly in external preparations to relieve mild pain and itching.

2.Menthol: a crystalline alcohol C10H20O that occurs especially in mint oils, has the odor and cooling properties of peppermint, and is used in flavoring and in medicine (as locally to relieve pain, itching, and nasal congestion)

3.Phenol: a toxic white soluble crystalline acidic derivative of benzene; used in manufacturing and as a disinfectant and antiseptic; poisonous if taken internally

4.Penicillin: Any of a group of broad-spectrum antibiotic drugs obtained from penicillium molds or produced synthetically, most active against gram-positive bacteria and used in the treatment of various infections and diseases.

That's the active list of what I'm currently on right now.

The first two make up about 6 percent of what is prolly the coolest topical in the history of the Universe.. When I was younger, mom used to rub it on my chest and told me it's magi would make me feel better, and I hated the sheer fuck.. Aromatic is is NOT the word I'd use... FUNK is closer to the actual feeling.. but now I thank the gods mom forced that crap onto me for I can breathe once again without that wierd whistling sound. And I don't think she was kidding about the magical powers one bit for I fully believe it can ward off demons.

Number 3, despite the dictionary definition is the active ingredient of the marvelous liquid that gave me my voice back and allowed me to eat without wincing at every swallow. Unfortunatly, it tastes exactly like a hospital smells.

Number 4 is a big white pill.. Who'd'a thunk that nasty nasty mold would turn my throat from the bright, almost bloody red to the.. well.. the lighter shade of red it is right now.

So, thanks to Vicks Vaporub, Chloraseptic, and penicillin, I'm covered with a thing oily sheen, I stink to high heaven, the inside of my mouth tastes like a hospital hallway and I got mold floating about in my system.. but I feel pretty good.

an in two hours, thanks to the big Green Q, I wont feel anything at all.
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Cold Rambling [Nov. 11th, 2004|12:38 am]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |Luca Turilli- Warrior's Pride]

These last few weeks have been somewhat odd.

Sandra is researching hardcore into Wicca and other pagan faiths and is seriously considering outting herself to her parents that she is no longer the good lil Catholic Girl that she used to be, pre-me.

I've been teaching Martial Arts to some of the Ghetto thug-slime at work. Todd, has some background in Kung-Fu and boxing but none of the discipline.. Lee is a toast-rack thug who would prefer to use a nickle-plated .9 instead of his bony ass fists. Clayton is a big heavy Mexican bastard who can just growl at buggers and have them run off. Jeff is a redneck 300 pound Volunteer fireman.... enough said. The strangest of my lil students would be John Easthagen..a 15 year veteran of the Harris County Sheriff's Department. K-9 unit. Who Moonlights as Sam;s Club Security. And here we are in a lil fight club at work. You can usually, after close, most nights catch us in a lil circle practicing kicks and punches witha cop sitting there petting his dog. Oddly, no complaints from managers or other associates... it's really kinda cool. Don't think we'll be blowing up any credit card company buildings anytime soon however.

I sold about 200 copies of Halo 2 since Tuesday. and about 26 X-Boxes.

I might have to kill the regional Director of Loss Prevention. A fat waddling penguin of a bitch named Janice with the same urgent grasp of reality as an oyster has of mountain climbing.. And top it off with an "It's Pat" nasal voice that, for some reason, I can imitate exactly.

Been talks about the club of forming a band, with me and a couple of other guys. Which could quite possibly be fun and somewhat strange considering we're all from such wildly different musical backgrounds. I, for one, am amenable.

Luis got fired for smoking weed out in his car while on break.

Been listening to waaay too much power metal lately. And thanks to my MP3 Player, I can listen to it at work or at the mall on my lunch break. That's really not a good combination.. Metal songs about warriors, Vikings, Gods and such, sleeting into my incredibly ego-drivien and impressionable brain at 128 kb/s. Add that to my general comtempt for anyone not me..

Dressed as a Thor for Samhain at work... Furry tunic, cheap boot covers, horned helmet, bearded face, braided hair, and Ornate, yet fake war hammer. It looked cool.. and I ended up winning the costume contest if not for the fact that I do look damn good in viking fur, hairy legs and all, But I wore what to the uneducated hicks what infest my store, looked nothing so much as a brown dress. Ah well, it was a 25 dollar gift certificate.

Todd thinks I'm insane because I'm teaching Pencak Silat and Kenjutsu to Sandra and even bought her a sword for her birthday. (Not a reall good sword, nothing I'd take to a fight, but it looks good and has a dragon motif which, appeals to Sandra. She's a geek to her core and I love her for it)

And now I'm going to go to bed, then lounge around all day tomorrow playing GameCube ports of DreamCast RPG's, then go see The Incredibles... You lot have fun.

Oh yeah, and I have a nasty cold, hence the title
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